"I'm a wrinkly old prune" - how negative self-talk affects your mind and body

Imagine cutting into a lemon.

The knife scores the peel first, then sinks into the flesh.
 Maybe you pick out a seed and absent-mindedly lick your finger.

Is your mouth watering? Can you feel that tingle in your nose and on your palate?

You haven't touched a lemon. But your body reacted as if you had.

That's the kind of magic also known as neurobiology.
 Words and mental images activate many of the same brain areas as real experiences.
 What we imagine, think, or tell ourselves affects our body.
 Measurably. Directly.

And it works in every direction.

How negative self-talk affects your body

"I'm a wrinkly old prune."

Maybe those aren't your exact words.
 But maybe you say:
 I'm too much. I'm not good enough. Why can't I just get this right.

Sentences like these aren't harmless thoughts that simply drift by.
 If we think them often enough, our nervous system starts treating them as reality.
 Your shoulders pull up and in. Without noticing, you make yourself smaller - and somehow you become smaller. Your breath gets shallow. Your mood drops - not because something bad happened out there, but because your inner critic is broadcasting nonstop.

At some point, we let other people treat us that way too. Not because we want it - but because it feels familiar. The impulse to say "I'm not okay with how you're talking to me" is missing. Or it only shows up once you're safely home. In the shower. While falling asleep.

I've written more about how language shapes our emotions and memories [here →].

Posture and mind: the principle works the other way round, too

Amy Cuddy's research on posture suggested that body and mind influence each other. Whether cortisol actually drops - researchers are still arguing about that. 
But that an open, expansive posture affects your mood? That's fairly well supported.

Try standing like this for a moment: shoulders wide and open. Grounded, both feet hip-width apart on the floor.

Superhero. Super mom. Super dad. Super single.

Notice what that does to you.

Practising positive self-talk - without toxic positivity

This isn't about forcing an optimistic spin onto emotional pain - that would be toxic positivity, and it helps no one.

The goal is a sentence that helps you straighten up from the inside. Not perfect. Not over the top. Unfamiliar enough to retrain your inner critic from destructive to constructive, but still believable. 
And if all you can accept for now is "I'm okay the way I am" - that's a start, too.

Or maybe you tell yourself: I'm a tip-top cherry. Or: my humor is as dark as the most chocolatey cookie, and that's a good thing. Or something completely different - something that fits you.

Find your sentence. Practise it. Not because positive thoughts fix everything - but because what you tell yourself every day slowly but surely shapes who you believe you are.

And if that sounds too far away right now?

Then that's okay. Sometimes you're at a point where exercises like this feel wrong, or even cynical. That's not failure - it's often a sign that more is needed than an exercise.

If you'd like support with that, I'm here. A first call is free and without obligation - [book a call].

The cherry moment comes. Sometimes later than expected, but it can come, even if it seems unlikely to you right now.

You're sweeter and sharper than you think. 🍋🍒