Is your mouth watering? Can you feel that tingle in your nose and on your palate?
For many people, it does: you haven’t touched a lemon, but your body reacts as if you had. How strongly varies a lot from person to person – some people barely see inner images at all (that’s called aphantasia).
That’s the kind of magic also known as neurobiology. Words and mental images can activate many of the same brain areas as real experiences. What we imagine, think, or tell ourselves can affect our body. Measurably. Directly.
And it works in every direction.
Examples of Negative Self-Talk - and What They Do to Your Body
“I’m a wrinkly old prune.”
Maybe those aren’t your exact words. But maybe you say: I’m too much. I’m not good enough. Why can’t I just get this right.
Sentences like these leave traces. If we think them often enough, our body starts reacting as if they were true. Your shoulders pull up and in. Without noticing, you make yourself smaller - and somehow you become smaller. Your breath gets shallow. Your mood drops - not because something bad happened out there, but because your inner critic is broadcasting nonstop.
At some point, we let other people treat us that way too. Not because we want it - but because it feels familiar. The impulse to say “I’m not okay with how you’re talking to me” is missing. Or it only shows up once you’re safely home. In the shower. While falling asleep. That familiarity is also one reason why reflective people can be especially vulnerable to gaslighting.
I’ve written more about how language shapes our emotions and memories here.
Power Posing: What Posture Does to Your Mood
Amy Cuddy’s research on posture suggested that body and mind influence each other. The hormone effects didn’t hold up in later studies - but that an open, upright posture affects how you feel? That’s fairly well supported.
Try standing like this for a moment: shoulders wide and open. Grounded, both feet hip-width apart on the floor.
Superhero. Super mom. Super dad. Super single.
Notice what that does to you.
If you’d like more exercises that start with your body, you’ll find them in my free guide.
How to Write Your Own Positive Self-Talk (Without Toxic Positivity)
The goal is a sentence that helps you straighten up from the inside. Not perfect. Not over the top. Unfamiliar enough to retrain your inner critic from destructive to constructive, but still believable. Studies show that affirmations that feel too far from how you see yourself can even backfire (Wood et al., 2009). And if all you can accept for now is “I’m okay the way I am” - that’s a start, too.
Or maybe you tell yourself: I’m a tip-top cherry. Or: my humor is as dark as the most chocolatey cookie, and that’s a good thing. Or something completely different - something that fits you.
Psychology calls this self-compassion: talking to yourself the way you’d talk to a good friend. Kristin Neff, who pioneered the research on it, shares free exercises on her website.
Find your sentence. Practice it. Not because positive thoughts fix everything - but because what you tell yourself every day slowly but surely shapes who you believe you are.
When Self-Talk Exercises Feel Wrong
And if that sounds too far away right now?
Then that’s okay. Sometimes you’re at a point where exercises like this feel wrong, or even cynical. Often that’s a sign that you need more than an exercise right now – and that’s a good reason to get support.
That’s what therapy or mental support is for. If you’d like support with that, I’m here. A first call is free and without obligation.
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The cherry moment can come - sometimes later than expected, even if it seems unlikely to you right now.
You’re sweeter and sharper than you think. 🍋🍒
Elena Tinkloh (aka Tink) is a licensed psychotherapist in Germany, specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy, and helps people turn their inner critic into a voice they can actually work with.
