October special “Spooky Psychology”, Part 3/3
A hard decision - and an unusual tip
No matter how much fate is involved - and no matter how much biology and upbringing have a say: you have a surprising amount of influence over the path your life takes.
Too bad it often doesn’t feel that way at all. Making decisions, big or small, can feel freakishly hard. How do you figure out what’s “meant for you” - and what’s just a distraction?
Let me tell you how, faced with a tough decision, I went to a psychic for the first time. The tip came - plot twist - from my therapist at the time.
I was at a crossroads: should I quit my job at the clinic and go self-employed? The safe path of employment felt increasingly wrong, my own path unclear and risky. Right in that phase, my therapist told me about a man in the Black Forest who “sees things”. I had to go. My friend and colleague Becci came along - half out of curiosity, half because, to be honest, the idea creeped me out a little.
A village in the Black Forest
We drove to a tiny village and found ourselves standing in front of a huge sign: “Medium - Past, Present & Future”. Becci and I, who had only ever talked about such topics among ourselves in our field, were stunned: some people simply have no interest in hiding. Cool.
He even had a second room further back, with its own door. But the client before me just kept talking on her way out, and he answered. So we heard: “I’ve told you many times: I don’t see a man waiting for you. But one thing is clear: if you don’t go out, you won’t meet anyone - whether someone’s waiting or not. And please stop coming back with the same question, I’ve been giving you the same answer for a year.”
I had to smile - and recognised myself a little. We often know perfectly well what needs doing, whether we heard it in therapy or from a fortune teller. The hardest part is doing it ourselves.
Then it was my turn. He didn’t ask anything. I sat down - he started talking. Gazing over my right shoulder, he told me things about my family. A lot of it was accurate. I sat there, puzzled.
Are psychics real? What the research says
I could write: “The man has supernatural abilities.” Or: “It’s all nonsense.”
Both would be too simple an explanation.
What research has clearly shown so far: as soon as psychics can neither see nor hear the person they’re reading, their accuracy disappears. In a study by O’Keeffe and Wiseman (2005), participants rated which readings applied to them. Result: the mediums performed no better than chance. A few individual studies do report hits, but their methods have been criticised.
So why does a reading feel so accurate? Two explanations are well researched.
What is cold reading?
Cold reading is the technique of seemingly “reading” someone accurately without any prior knowledge. It works mainly through probabilities: family issues, a difficult relationship with a parent, an open decision - that applies to almost everyone who visits a psychic. Add small trial balloons: a half-sentence, a vague hint. If something lands, it gets expanded. If not, it quietly disappears. And our memory helps out: we remember the hits and forget the misses.
The Barnum effect, explained - a Black Forest example
In 1948, psychologist Bertram Forer gave his students a supposedly personal personality profile. Everyone got the same text, compiled partly from horoscopes. On average, they rated its accuracy at over 4 out of 5. Statements that fit many people feel personal - especially when we’re looking for meaning. And anyone who drives to the Black Forest while standing at a crossroads is looking for some.
Does that explain everything that happened that afternoon? Honestly: I don’t know. And I’ve decided I don’t need to know. You can stay open without becoming a believer - and critical without explaining everything away.
Because the most interesting thing about that visit was something else anyway.
The sentence that stuck
At some point, I interrupted him. I already knew all that - I’ve known my family for a while, after all. I had come for the future. He asked what I do for a living. I told him. The energy in the room shifted.
He said something like: “I don’t understand your concept, but I can see it’s needed. Hurry. You’ll help one person, then many will come. But you have to get out of the clinic - it’s making you sick.”
And there it was, the sentence. It wasn’t new. I’d known it for a long time. My gut had been saying it for months. I just hadn’t listened - or more precisely: I had heard it and postponed the decision until “later”.
To recognise that “the old” was no longer right for me, no supernatural abilities were needed. But it did something to me to hear this message from someone who didn’t know me, wanted nothing from me and had no stake in my decision. The hour cost a fair price - less than a haircut - no matter how satisfied you were with the reading. And as I left, he told me to bring him my business card as soon as I had some: there were people coming to him whom he’d like to refer to therapists. He couldn’t help them.
Why do people go to psychics?
I believe this is one important reason why, for thousands of years and across all cultures, people have sought out fortune tellers, card readers and psychics: they’re looking for a voice that confirms what they’ve long sensed inside - and don’t yet dare to believe. Of course, many also want to know what’s coming. But uncertainty is hard to bear. Decisions can be lonely. And sometimes you’ve long sensed where you should go, and still don’t dare take the step.
Outside advice brings relief: when facing a hard decision, we like to share the responsibility. And someone who has nothing to gain from our choice seems especially credible. When that person voices what has long been decided inside, it acts like a catalyst. (Fun fact: in therapy it’s often the other way round. It tends to be most powerful when you say it yourself.)
That also explains why Becci had a similar experience that day. She was told a new partner was coming - who looked exactly like her current one. A few weeks later, she had a long-overdue, intense conversation with him. Afterwards she told me she had indeed got a new partner. Just not a new man. More like a new version of the old one.
You can call it prophecy. Or a nudge that finally tipped a decision already made. Maybe the difference is smaller than both camps think.
How to make a decision when you can’t decide: two questions
You can get the same effect without a trip to the Black Forest.
1. What do you feel when the coin lands?
Give each side of a coin one of your options: Sam or Steve. Tortellini or pizza. Self-employment or a steady job. Then flip. What matters is the moment it lands: are you relieved or disappointed? Studies show that a coin flip makes our feelings about the options clearer (Jaffé et al., 2019). The coin does what the psychic did for me: a nudge from outside, with no stake in any particular answer.
2. Is it a gut feeling - or anxiety?
Both show up in the body, both feel like knowing. A rule of thumb from my practice: anxiety tends to be loud and urgent, and it paints catastrophes. A gut feeling is often quieter - and keeps coming back, even when you put it off. How to tell them apart, and what’s happening in your gut and nervous system, I explain in detail in my article on how to trust your gut feeling.
Neither Norns nor psychics see everything
And back to our October theme: in Norse mythology, fate is considered pretty fixed - even Odin can’t stop Ragnarök. And yet the name of the third Norn holds some wiggle room: Skuld is related to “shall” and “should”, and in Old Norse it also means “debt”. What is meant to be - and what we owe to what’s coming. Maybe that’s exactly what we owe our future: to actively shape it. To integrate what was - and still be the one at the wheel.
Maybe some things are already waiting for us. But what’s meant for you only becomes yours when you go for it and want it. What isn’t yours sometimes feels safe - and still leaves you unfulfilled.
The best compass I know: your gut feeling - even if it often stays vague. Processed by your mind. And examined lovingly through the lens of self-compassion.
Let curiosity be your guide and intuition your compass.
The finale of “Spooky Psychology” arrives on 30 October - newsletter only. [Sign up here]
All parts of the October special:
Part 1: Threads of Fate: Why Patterns Repeat
Part 2: Cutting the Threads: Why Rituals Work Where Understanding Alone Falls Short
A big hello to Becci at this point - thank you for letting me share your story and our experiences with the busy psychic in the tiny village.
Elena Tinkloh (aka Tink) is a licensed psychotherapist in Germany (cognitive behavioural therapy) and founder of Pink Punk Psychology. She has been self-employed since 2022 and running her own practice since 2025 - the step this article is about.
